I Don’t Pay for My Kids’ Sports

This post is about the benefits of youth sports. All opinions are my own,

I recently wrapped up a 17-year career as a gymnastics mom. My three girls have done gymnastics since we were thrown out of our local Mommy and Me class. The owner suggested I enroll them in a regular gymnastics school, which I did. We never looked back. Seventeen years of classes, practices, and meets and I have never paid for gymnastics.

Not too many people have been evicted from a Mommy and Me class, but I can proudly claim that accolade. My girls were always spunky and fearless. I encouraged it. I was always a shy, hesitant kid. When I had daughters, I vowed to raise independent young women who would be confident risk-takers.

From the time they could crawl and walk, I allowed them to try new things without fear of falling or failing. If you fall, you get back up and try again. If you fail, you give it another try. I didn’t overreact when they stumbled or fell and just considered that a normal part of childhood and learning. The goal was to raise resilient humans, so I allowed them to be physically active and challenge their limits, even as toddlers.

My kids and I loved the Mommy and Me program at our local kid gym place. We sat for circle time and followed directions and clapped and sang. Everyone was happy, including the owner/instructor. Until “free play!” At free play, other toddlers were chasing bubbles and playing in a germy ball pit. My kids were climbing a rock wall and ringing the bell at the tippy top. They were swinging on the monkey bars as I spotted them and taught them to use opposing arms and hands to grab the next bar. These girls were proud of their accomplishments and had no interest in playing in a germy ball pit when they could feel the rush of adrenaline climbing a rock wall and ringing a bell.

The owner, one of the nicest gentlemen I have ever met, would throw me a disapproving and worried look whenever my girls were using the equipment that he deemed was for the older kids. I assured him that I was present and spotting and guiding them. They were in no real danger. But their level of fearlessness obviously made him uncomfortable, and one day he gently requested that we not return because they were simply not engaging in typical activities for kids their age. He also suggested that they might be ready for an actual gymnastics school. So I asked around and signed them up at a local gymnastics school. My girls spent the next 17 years as gymnasts.

In those 17 years, I never paid for gymnastics. The sport itself was irrelevant to me. Here’s what I paid for.

Confidence

Raising confident girls is sometimes challenging. I was not a confident child. I was shy and hesitant. Enrolling my girls in a sport built their confidence.

In gymnastics, there is a lot of risk-taking. One’s confidence in her own strength, skill level, and ability has a lot to do with success and failure. A gymnast needs to be sure she can execute a skill, not only to score well but most importantly, for her own safety.

While being on a competitive team builds camaraderie, when a gymnast is on a piece of equipment or the mat, all eyes are on her. It’s a solo sport for the most part. For some, this might be terrifying. Confident gymnasts have to shake it off and compete.

When my oldest, Kissy, was about 11, she began her floor routine, at a meet, all eyes on her. A moment later, her coach was looking at me with a perplexed look on her face, mouthing to me, “WHAT IS SHE DOING?” I shrugged and mouthed back, “I HAVE NO IDEA!”

When her routine ended, the coach asked her what happened, because what she competed, was most definitely NOT her floor routine, which they had choreographed and practiced for eternity. Kissy simply said, “I forgot my routine, so I just made one up!” with all the confidence and pride I never expected from an 11-year-old.

It was at that exact moment that I was beyond proud of my kid, for not falling apart, not freaking out or crying. It didn’t matter what score the judges gave her. As far as I was concerned, she earned a 10 in confidence and resilience. She made it up on the fly and was still smiling.

Young athletes have a lot of choices to make in the heat of the moment. They need to know their own bodies on any given day. They need to know when to play it safe or take the risk.

When faced with a choice, Kissy chose to hold her head up high. She chose to make up a routine and finish strong. She didn’t score well. Neither of us cared. I paid for that moment.

Physical Fitness

Any youth sports program will be a built-in workout for your kid. Exercise is just part of the package. As gymnasts, my girls developed fierce total body strength.

I never needed to find ways to get them moving. I was never concerned about too much screen time if they just wanted to hang out and watch tv. Being an athlete provides plenty of exercise.

In a culture where parents are concerned about sedentary, overweight kids, having a built-in exercise program is one less thing for busy moms to think about. Taking care of their bodies, eating properly, and exercising are life skills that have carried with my girls long after gymnastics ended. I paid for the life-long lesson of taking care of one’s body.

It takes total body strength to whip oneself around a bar several times. Starlie circa 2016

Discipline and Commitment

When your kid doesn’t feel like going to practice but goes anyway, that’s discipline. Athletes have to be committed and that means making hard choices. It’s not always easy to push through and show up anyway.

Undoubtedly, there were plenty of times my kids missed a practice. Life happens. We’re flexible. If there’s a special celebration or event, they could miss.

Occasionally, they’d need a day off to rest if they were ill or injured. Sometimes they just needed a day to rest their minds and bodies. Knowing their bodies and when to rest is important.

Knowing when to show up, even when you don’t feel like it, is discipline and commitment. We are raising little humans to be mature, functioning adults.

Even adults don’t always feel like adulting. But we push through and do stuff we don’t really want to do frequently. There’s plenty of stuff I wish I could avoid in my adult life. But I do it anyway because as the mom, it’s my job to steer the ship, without whining.

I lead by example. But my girls learned most of what they know about discipline and commitment from their chosen sport and their coaches. Their coaches taught them more about following through than any nagging mom rants from me. I am forever grateful to them and that is money well spent.

Time Management

Being an athlete requires hours of practice, games, and meets. It’s time-consuming. There are other commitments to fit into any given day.

Juggling school, sports, family time, chores, social life, and rest seems impossible some days. Good time management skills are essential. It takes a lot of effort.

When the kids were younger, our entire household revolved around gymnastics practices. All three girls didn’t always practice simultaneously. Also, throw into the mix my son, who had soccer, karate, baseball, or lacrosse, depending on the year. Those years were exhausting as the person who steers the ship.

Once the practice schedules were in place, I’d plan family dinners around the nights we were all home at dinner time. The other nights would have to be something that could be reheated quickly to accommodate the varying schedules of kids in and out at different times. Some nights, those kids were lucky I even remembered to feed them.

Then it was a matter of talking with each kid to help them figure out a schedule for homework on practice days. Some did homework before practice some after. Some did both. Every day was different, but the same.

In those years when the kids were little, helping them figure out a routine that worked for them, seemed chaotic and never-ending. Four little kids, each with their own schedules, needs, and demands felt like I was managing a circus on the daily.

By middle school, and certainly, by high school, they figured it out on their own. They no longer needed me to micromanage their schedules and help them manage their time. Well, that’s true for the girls. The boy is a work in progress. I paid for that. I’m still paying for Salt, my boy, but that’s another story for another day.

Resilience

Youth sports teach kids to be resilient. Kids fall. They fail. They miss the goal and the shot.

No one likes that. Teaching kids good sportsmanship and resilience is one of the biggest benefits of being on a team.

My kids never needed to be the best on their team. In fact, they weren’t. I wasn’t paying for them to be the best. I paid for them to be coachable and resilient (Remember Kissy making up her floor routine?).

The little humans need to be coachable and be able to bounce back and try again. As adults, we know that life is full of disappointment and failures. There is a lot of pressure on kids to be the best- at home, at school, and at sports. Let’s start teaching kids that it’s ok to be less than perfect, but to strive to be their personal best.

Three spots on my Bingo Card- Broken foot with surgery, ten months of physical therapy, and a broken back. Trifecta! Yep, all gymnastics related!

No one bounces back like my kids! In the span of 18 months, Starlie broke her foot, had surgery, and spent ten months in physical therapy. Kissy broke her back flipping and spent six weeks in a back brace. Additionally, we have suffered a broken leg, repaired with a whole lot of titanium, a broken arm, a concussion, and multiple sprains over the years.

My orthopedic group knows us well. We’re there so frequently, they should give me a punch card and a loyalty member reward. I can’t remember a year that I did not meet my insurance deductible. Let’s be clear, I’m not proud of this.

However, I am proud of how resilient my kids are when they have to miss their sports because of a sustained injury. When Kissy broke her leg, she was out for almost a year! Once she was off crutches and in a boot, she could return to practice to condition with her coach. She did and with hard work and commitment, she was back on the equipment in six months. She worked tirelessly to get her strength and skills back.

When Starlie broke her foot and had it surgically repaired, she went to physical therapy several times a week to rehab so she could get back in the gym as soon as her doctor cleared her. She would condition on her own at home, working on core and upper body strength exercises.

That’s resilience and focus. Those long recoveries were hard on them and me. I wouldn’t have minded if they wanted to hang up their leotards and take an art class. They didn’t. They fought their way back to the sport they loved with grit and grace. I paid for that.

Friendships

Teammates share a bond. My girls spent so many years on their teams with the same girls, that their friendships remain long after they’ve moved on. Being on a team for so long with the same people means they’ve seen you at your best and your worst. Those girls will watch you face plant off the bars, pick you up and laugh about it.

My girls have moved on, but they will always hold a special place in their hearts for their teammates and the memories they made competing together.

For me, being a gym mom was a huge part of my identity for so many years. Being a part of that community has given me so many fond memories of hanging out with the other gym moms. Although we may no longer sit together on the hard, metal bleachers, cheering our kids on at four-hour meets, joking about why no one brought wine, I will always cherish those friendships.

Being a part of a sports community with the same people for years, somehow tethers us forever, even after we’ve moved on. I paid for that, for the camaraderie and lasting friendships.

As parents, we know that playing on a team can be outrageously expensive. I never paid for my kids to be the best athletes. I paid for them to be the best humans they could be: committed, disciplined, resilient, confident young adults. In 17 years, I never paid for gymnastics.

To learn more about the benefit of youth sports, click on the link below.

https://health.gov/sites/default/files/2020-09/YSS_Report_OnePager_2020-08-31_web.pdf