5 Truths When Teaching Teens to Drive

This post is about 5 things I learned when teaching my teens to drive a car. All opinions are my own.

I am about to have a fourth driver in my house. My youngest, we’ll call him Salt, will start driving lessons soon. This alone is hard to grasp, that my youngest kid is old enough to drive. Ironically, Salt takes flying lessons and can fly a small plane and take off with some degree of accuracy (landing is a work in progress), but I can’t believe he’s old enough to drive a car. I know this is illogical thinking, but motherhood is largely full of inconsistencies and irony.

“Much like toddlers, teen drivers are challenging, illogical, and require tremendous patience.”- Maureen Stiles, author of The Driving Book for Teens

This is entirely true, and I work with toddlers and preschoolers, and I have teenagers, so I know this to be true. At work, I am tirelessly patient, but put me in the passenger seat with my teen driver and I will need a lot of deep breaths and coffee (because you can’t drive around sipping wine while in a moving vehicle) just to make it through. So I am telling you now, if you are about to embark on teaching your teen how to drive, channel your inner toddler mom and keep repeating to yourself, “I will stay calm, I will stay calm.” But let’s be real, you probably won’t.

Here are 5 things I have learned from teaching my kids to drive.

Teenagers have no common sense when they get behind the wheel for the first time.

When was the last time you were driving with your teen in the car and they were looking out the window, talking to you, commenting on the scenery? Probably never! If your kids are like mine, they get in the car, headphones on, staring at their phones, completely disconnected most of the time. When I was a kid, we didn’t have phones and our own personal music selection. We listened to whatever our parents had on the radio and stared out the window. But we learned how to get around. I recently sent my 18-year-old, Starlie, to the neighborhood pharmacy located on the main road nearest my house, and she asked me if that’s the road she takes to get to her friend’s house. Yes, Starlie, it is. No common sense. They have not been paying attention all these years of shuttling them to and from their activities, so assume they know nothing because the likelihood is that they know nothing.

Each of my kids approaches driving differently.

My oldest, Kissy, has always been impatient and does everything fast, including driving. She was ready to throw the car in gear when she clicked her seatbelt, before my obligatory dashboard tour, adjusting the seats and mirrors, and all that stuff. She’s the one who wanted to run before she could walk. My second, Nugget, is much more patient and pays attention to detail, and comprehends the rules. My third, Starlie, is some combination of the two. Each time I taught one to drive, it was a new fresh hell for me. I just started taking Salt to empty parking lots, so time will tell, but so far, he follows directions fairly well. Remember, he also flies a plane, and if you don’t follow directions in the air, it probably ends badly, so flying may be good practice for driving, but it’s too soon to tell.

You will not be prepared for this, even if you think you are.

Driving teenagers just adds a whole new list of things to be a psycho about. It doesn’t matter how amazing your kid is, even the most laid-back moms won’t be prepared for this. Before you take your kid out to learn to drive, practice your calm voice and face before you get in the car. No seriously. Channel your toddler mom voice and dust it off. You will be slamming the brakes on the passenger side of the car reflexively. There are no brakes on the passenger side of the car. Give yourself a good pep talk before you get started. You may also find yourself hanging on to that little handle for dear life without realizing it. Breathing deeply helps.

Driving School is like an appetizer before the main course.

Driving school is great for teaching your teen the basics. It gives them a good foundation, but it’s like the appetizer before the meal is served. Guess who is serving up the main course? You. In my state, driving school is a mandatory 6 hours. After that, it’s my job to get these little learners out on the road. Some kids can’t wait to drive everywhere, and some kids would prefer to remain in the passenger seat, headphones on, still not knowing the name of the nearest cross street. I encouraged my teens to drive familiar routes, about 15 minutes daily, about the length of time it takes to get to their after-school activity. For me, 15 minutes was enough practice to familiarize themselves with the route and practice driving skills. It is also the approximate length of time it takes for my fingers to go numb from clutching the grab handle too tightly. You adjust your teen’s drive time accordingly.

One parent is usually better at this than the other.

I am the default parent in my household. My husband works later than I do and I have always been the parent who drives kids to activities. This means I’m the one doing most of the teaching. I have always worked with young children and the teacher in me is thorough and speaks slowly and clearly. My kids often remind me that they’re not preschoolers, so I’m sure it’s particularly irritating for them to hear me explain driving to them like they’re 3. My husband, on the other hand, offers little to no direction. This video accurately depicts what it’s like learning to drive in my house.

So if you are about to teach your teen to drive, remember, teens are like toddlers and you’ll need to muster up all the courage and patience you can because you are about to enter a whole new level of parenting and nothing prepares you for this. Coming soon: a related post about safety tips on the road! Good luck and be safe!